The good thing about bad friends is you know they’re bad. When a bad friend does something stupid or rude, it isn’t a surprise. A fake friend is far more nefarious. The fake friend tries to blend in with real friends. She’ll be there for you one moment, and then disappear the next.
He’ll be nice to your face, then savagely gossip about you behind your back. Fake friends are the WORST! In an effort to help you cleanse your friend group of those disingenuous byotches,
Here are the few tips on how to spot a fake friend.
1. She’s always got an excuse for why she can’t be there
Her third cousin once removed has a field hockey game that just got scheduled. She has an out-of-country conference for work that she only learned about an hour ago. Her sister’s former husband is having a mental breakdown. The faux friend will always have an excuse, and it will usually be a crazy one. Time and time again, she’ll weasel her way out of showing up for you, and try to cover it with some reason that’s supposed to garner your sympathy. Things come up. We understand that. But every time? Smells a bit fishy and fake to us…
2. She compliments you on EVERYthing
Every pair of jeans you try on can’t look good on you. That’s not how the world works. But she’ll compliment you regardless of how great or terrible the pants fit. Being a nice friend is great. Being a suck-up friend is disingenuous. Someone who is that full of compliments is also full of something else…bullsh*t!
3. He’s there for the fun times, but absent during the hard times
He was instrumental in planning your surprise party, but when your boyfriend broke up with you, he mysteriously dropped off the face of the planet. We all love a friend who’s down to party, but we also need a friend who offers a shoulder to cry on. A real friend does both.
4. He never hesitates to ask you for a favor
He just really needs you to donate a few bucks to his Kick starter campaign. You’re a good friend, so you chip in. But when it comes to your niece’s Girl Scout cookies, he can’t be bothered to buy even one box. Friendship is a 2-way-street, a give-and-take. The people who only take reek of pseudo-kindness.
5. She talks way too much about herself
Every conversation revolves around her: the new clothes she just bought, the dude she hooked up with last night, the vacation she’s planning for Christmas. If you do speak, it’s only to comment on her goings-ons. A true friend cares about your life as much as her own. A false friend speaks only of herself.
6. He hates your other friends
Real friends don’t have to like all your other friends, but they also shouldn’t get jealous when you hang out with those other friends. The faux-friend gets insanely jealous and thinks you should only hang out with him, since he is clearly the expert on your social life and happiness. If you’re happy, your friend should be happy for you.
7. The silences feel awkward
For us, this is the ultimate test. Authentic friends can sit comfortably in silence. Inauthentic friends do anything they can to fill the silences. It’s as if the friend isn’t comfortable being around you. Oh wait. That’s exactly what it is!